What I’m studying now isn’t the career that I will be having, and the career that I will have has nothing to do with my dreams (aspirations).
Life is such – You’re on one path physically, mentally another, and spiritually never. Being able to study is great, you get to know stuff and live the life of ‘growing’ – figuring out what is it that you truly care and want. As for working, you get the money where you spend on things you like and you live the life of ‘modelling’; you try to model yourself according to your mental need for consistentcy and affirmation. With dreams, you feel alive and real, you are literally living ‘The Dream’.
Some say you CAN have both your career and your dreams fulfilled if you try hard enough, but truly, how many are able to despite trying their entire lives; how much do hardwork really account for?
I’d like to think hardwork is the least contributive (doesn’t matter how hard you work) element in the equation. I’d say it’s luck that matters.
It’s been 3 days since my return and somehow I haven’t been able to stop missing and remembering the good times and memories that were created. I don’t know what is wrong with me; I am not the kind to miss a person, and it has proven to me that it is for the best. Right now I feel a hollow in my chest, emptiness – not sure if it’s caused by me being sick or if I’m just feeling sentimental.
It didn’t seem as though things would transpire to what it will be today because it just didn’t seem that memorable. I’ve began to miss that feeling of having a companion even though I pride myself as being a lone ranger. I like being by myself, independent, self-interested and doing what’s good for you at your own pace. But somehow, right now I would rather be beside that person. How did I land myself in such a spot?
Thinking about the 4 days that we’ve spent together, it really didn’t felt like much was happening or new feelings/stronger feelings were developing but why is it that now I’m missing what I shouldn’t or wouldn’t miss about! To add on to this already complex feelings that I have right now, I have work coming up in the next 2 days. I’ve never thought I would dread working in this job but I guess it’s the part where people make you feel like you’re not appreciated that acts as a catalyst for this kind of thing to happen. Sadly, I couldn’t just leave if i wanted to, money is an essential for modern life and I have Wants – a motorcycle, gadgets, holiday trips etc.
I can’t wait to get back to the place that has given me so much happiness in a short span of 4 days. I definitely hope to return there with the same person and with more but it seems as though it wouldn’t be happening in the near future. Seems like to get over this feeling that I’m experiencing now, I’ll have to find somebody else to take away my attention.